Why do we as women always seem to take on more then we can handle? Do you notice that? I know it isn't just ME. I feel like for some reason women are just more willing to give themselves over to others to better them even if it means killing themselves. Today a friend of mine called me who I hadn't talked to in YEARS. She needed a favor and I just happened to live in the area she needed something from. Did I mind her calling and asking? NO! Was I offended that she asked me to do something for her when I haven't heard from her in years? NOPE! In fact, I felt horrible that I just couldn't help her out today. It really wasn't in the cards for me today to do anything much but yell at my kids apparently. I am having an extremely hard time with my son. Without getting too personal let's just say that he is SO good at school and at church but for some reason when he gets home he just doesn't want to be good any more. I understand. I really do. But it has been driving mentally insane trying to deal with him all of the time. The worse of it for me is that his sister is learning ALLLLL of this from watching him and now I am starting to have problems with her as well. I am glad that he is so good for other people but I wish he understood that he should ESPECIALLY want to be good for his OWN MOTHER! He totally does not understand that. We have been trying EVERYTHING lately. I try something for a week or two and it doesn't work so I try something else. The latest thing I REALLY thought was going to help and so far it hasn't. The thing that frustrates me more then anything is that a LOT of his problem is personality traits and not something behavioral. For instance today I put him in time out. I have a rule that you can not talk in time out or your time out starts over. Lately this has become a thing of the past and I was trying to revive it. I told him not to talk or even make a single sound. The second I said that he made a whining noise. Why should I get to tell him what to do, right? I mean, I'm only his mother. So I took a bean out of his jar ( when he fills up his jar we get to go do something fun! ) and then I say make another noise and I will take another one out. Most kids would stop but not my stubborn little boy. he makes another noise immediately. I ended up taking out about 8 to 10 beans just because he wouldn't stop making noises. Does anyone have any suggestions on kids with that stubborn attitude I am talking about? REALLY, anything might help. I am at my whits end with him. This is only one of the several problems I am having with him. I won't get into the others but any advice would be wonderful. It has been a long day for me. Every morning is a battle to get him ready for school. Every morning I end up screaming at him because he simple won't do what I tell him to....I just don't know how much more I can take of it
My mother told me about a great article my church put out about fasting with a purpose. I read it. I am going to fast and pray that him and I can work through this together. I know my son is a child of God. I know he was given to me for a specific purpose and I love him more then life itself. He is one of the sweetest kids you will ever meet, he just has that temper that I just don't know what to do with. So for now I am trying my best to stay calm, not yell, and keep reminding him that I love him. When I remember these 3 things, everything gets better but sometimes.....I forget!!!
5 comments:
I came across your blog by accident checking out a craft and then decided to see what was going on today. I feel your pain.
The most important thing to remember is that it is not personal. I know it can feel that way sometimes but it's not. You've probably heard this before...pick your battles. He is in a power play. If you don't play he doesn't have power. How important is it that he is quiet in time-out? I say if he's staying in time-out count your blessings. ;)
It can be hard raising strong willed children (I know, I had 3 of them and the youngest in now 16) but I promise you, you and he will survive. Hang in there. You can do it!!! I love your mom's idea of fasting and praying. I used to have to pray to see my children the way that God did. I've got a pretty stubborn, strong willed streak myself and I've had to learn to become more flexible and not sweat the small stuff.
I hope today is better for you!
Sarah, thank you for your comment. It isn't important that he is quiet in time out. It really isn't. That wsn't the issue for me. My problem is that once I say something I have to stick with it. If I say no talking or "this" will happen if he does it any ways then I HAVE to do what I say. If I don't follow through that is the worse thing I could do in my opinion. For me one of the biggest issues we have is him not listening and I have to stand my ground because he has has to know he needs to listen.
I do pick my battles though. I totally believe in that too! :) He eanrs some beans back so far this morning for listening and doing what I asked him too. So here's hoping he keeps it up.
I know what you mean. I really believe in follow through. I learned that lesson the hard way. So glad your son has been able to earn some beans back. That's got to make both of you feel great!
Follow through is definitely one of the most important things you can do. It's not only a discipline thing, but how can your child ever trust you if you never do what you say?
I will tell you what I just recently told my mom who is have a super hard time with my youngest brother (who is 13). Tie your discipline in with privileges. Things that most kids think are "rights" are actually privileges (i.e. watching tv, playing video games, whatever they like to do). Make sure you set some clear rules and maybe even try having a schedule. We recently did this for family night and talked about our responsibilities as members of a family. Then I showed Peyton her personal chore chart and we talked about it. This might help you for those mornings when it's hard to get him to do things.
So once you have talked about all of that and about the consequences, then you simply put it into action. Didn't behave/listen? No television today. At first it might seem like it doesn't work because they just don't care, but I think a kid who doesn't ever get to play with his friends. watch tv, whatever will eventually start to get bored and get the message.
Of course this is all supposed to work in my head, but I haven't actually had to use much of it yet. Fasting is definitely a good idea though! I hope you can find something that works!!
I don't have any advice that you haven't probably already tried, but you know this will pass and that the trials we are being put through are for a good reason. He loves you. :)
Post a Comment