WOW! I just started the “Having the Talk” Oprah show and just 4 minutes into it I had to pause it so I could write the things that were going through my mind and making my blood boil. First off, Doctor Laura whatever her name is seems to be basing her information off of people who come to her for help. HELLO! Of course they are going to have sex issues, she is a SEX THERAPIST! She claims that if women talk to their daughter s about self stimulation and owning their own bodies they are less likely to give up their virginity to the first guy who makes them feel good. OKAY, I do not even know where to start with how wrong that statement is. My mind is swirling thinking about all the things that I was taught growing up. Let me just hold off on what I have to say for one more minute. Dr Laura also said that so many women who come to her with problems about not enjoying sex and finding out how to orgasm were not taught about self stimulation and that’s what led to the problem in the first place. It was also implied that it was old fashioned to not teach our kids about masturbation. Oh come on!
Here we go, whatever happened to teaching our kids about RESPECTING their bodies! I was taught that my body is a Temple and we shouldn’t defile it. I was taught that sex was supposed to be between a husband and wife. I was also taught that self stimulation was not appropriate. Guess what folks? I was a virgin when I got married! I also have no problem finding pleasure in sex and I am not embarrassed by sex and can talk about it freely. Was it hard to not give in to the temptation that sex before marriage brought? Heck yes, but I respected myself enough and respected my future husband enough to not give in. Dr. Laura’s reasoning behind the self stimulation was that if we did so and knew what pleasure felt like and how to do it for ourselves; we would be less likely to give it up to the first guy who made us feel good. Um, I COMPLETELY disagree with this statement. I feel as though, if you self stimulate and get used to that feeling, you are MORE likely to want to feel it again and give it up to someone and regret it Also that you are more likely to let them do it because it no longer feels like a big deal or feels like you are doing something that is wrong.
I understand that many will disagree with what I am saying. That’s fine. I am not saying that what I believe is for everyone but I just hate when people, especially on TV or famous people who have such a strong influence on kids lives, make a generalization such as Dr. Laura did. She made a statement, which was more of an opinion really, and made it sound like medical facts. That irritates me. So I am just trying to express my opinion on it. So again, why not teach our kids MORALS and not self stimulation? What is so wrong with MORALS these days? It seems there is a HUGE war going on between what people call morals, and old fashioned ways. I am sorry, but waiting until you get married to have sex isn’t old fashioned, it’s MORAL. That is what is wrong with our world today! No body teaches morals any more and the ones that do are called old fashioned and made fun of. I love my husband SOOOOOOOOOOO freaking much and I LOVE having sex with him. Growing up hearing that sex before marriage was wrong, had absolutely no impact on MY sex life or me being able to enjoy it. In fact, I believe that it make sex that much more special for me and my husband knowing we were the only ones who got to experience that with each other. I do NOT regret it in the least bit and feel like my husband and I have a stronger connection because of it.
I have lots more to say but for now I will start with the second part of this particular subject. Oprah had two 14 year old kids on her show who said they loved each other and were ready to have sex. FOURTEEN PEOPLE! On top of that they said they had been dating for a while which turned out to be THREE MONTHS! One of my shortest relationships was 3 months. Also, they said they had already done everything but have sex. Oh my gosh. When I was 14 I was barely going to church dances and I had my first kiss. It astounds me that at 14 years old they think they are ready for sex and had already done everything but have sex. Now here is where I have to give Dr.Laura some props because she asked the kids and I find it highly ironic that I call them kids without even thinking about it and they think they are ready for such a big step, but she asked them some very important questions. I felt so sorry for the 14 year old girl who was obviously upset at the end of the show as she wiped some tears from off of her face while smiling and trying to pretend like everything was okay. And she thought she was ready for sex?!?! Sex is such an emotional thing to go through and especially having it for the first time. For those who did not see the show the kids ( there is that term again haha ) were asked if they thought about what happens if they get pregnant. The girl said she didn’t want to think about it. Hmmmmmmmmmmm…..then they were asked how long they planned on staying together AFTER they had sex. This is where it gets interesting. The boy said, “I don’t know, 6 months?” The audience started laughing ( nervous laughter if you ask me ) and then he looked at them and said, “What do you expect, it’s high school?” WOW! If you ask me, I think that is where the girl lost interest. She had a romantic picture in her head about being with him forever and having sex with him being special and how she couldn’t get pregnant because it just wouldn’t happen to her. I honestly suspect a huge fight and break up after the show.
Another thing that got me was that the mom’s were on the show too and were against them having sex but yet one of the mom’s bought them condoms. She said she was afraid that they would do it any ways so she wanted them to be protected. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr. First of all, teach them about being moral and abstaining from sex all together. Secondly, 14 year old KIDS shouldn’t have the opportunity to have sex! I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16 and even then it was supposed to be double dates only. How were 14 year old kids able to do “everything but” have sex in the first place. Maybe if they had some adult supervision they wouldn’t have been in this situation in the first place.
Honestly I could go on and on but I think I will stop while I’m ahead. Really all I wanted to get across with this was that I was taught sex was sacred and to do it before we were married was wrong. NOT SEX ITSELF WAS WRONG. I think that’s the big thing to remember. Also I was taught that self stimulation was not appropriate and guess what? I was still able to keep my pants on and my legs closed even when some guy made me feel good about myself. I understood where the line was and was able to not cross it. I was a horny girl too, so if I could do it ANY ONE can! Haha Haven’t you heard about those sex-crazy red heads? Well, I am one of them! So teach your kids MORALS and pray they follow them. That’s all folks…
PS if you had sex before you were married I am not saying you are immoral, I am simple stating what I learned and how I grew up and I am just trying