F A T

That's F-A-T NOT to be confused with P-H-A-T which if you don't know what that stands for just don't' even bother reading the rest of this because you just aren't going to understand me and what I write here, or you're like 80 years old. I wanted to write about FAT. I hate that being fat, or getting fat is such a big deal. I hate that it makes people view you differently. I hate that it makes YOU view people differently or view yourself differently. I hate a lot of things about gaining weight but at the same time am truly grateful because both of my weight gains have been reactions to having my kids! I would gain 100 pounds if it meant having these two beauties. You know that is not entirely fair either blaming it on them. With Tyler, I ate super crappy and then after he was born, kept eating super crappy. How is that his fault right? I was up to 190 when I came home from the hospital after having him. I stayed that until about June of that summer when I stopped breast feeding and all HELL broke loose! We went to Hawaii for a month and I was walking everyday but I was also eating out everyday which was awful on my body. You supposedly burn more calories while breast feeding and I didn't notice a difference, that was until after I stopped and all of the sudden gain 10 pounds in a couple of weeks. I went to my brothers wedding in California and I was 200 pounds when I stepped onto my sister Kim's scale while staying at her house. I was shocked and disgusted with how heavy it said I was. I had never been that big before.

What was worse then having the scale tell you how big you are was the pictures! It was a wedding for crying out loud and on top of the fact that I look HUGE in all the pictures, my hair was grown out for a hair cut and looked AWFUL! Myra cut my hair 2 days after the wedding and it looked so cute. How I wish I could have gotten the hair cut BEFORE the wedding...Any ways. Straying off topic now. I do that often. When I got back from the wedding I started working out and trying really hard to eat better. 6 weeks after that I came down to Cali again for Jared and Amanda's wedding and weighted about 185 or 190! I was so happy to have lost those 10 pounds or so and you could see it in my face which is one of the things I hate about getting fat. That and how big my arms get...holy heck I hate how big my arms look in clothes! You already know about the boobs since my previous post was about that so I will just mention it. My sister Kristy says that the first place she loses weight is her boobs! I haven't found that to be true for me yet, honestly it seems to me that when I get "lighter" it hasn't come off from any where because I usually seem the same, my clothes usually fit slightly better though so I guess for that I should be grateful.

My wardrobe has to be one of the most depressing things about gaining weight. I really wanted to fit into my pants a couple of weeks after having Kayla and that just didn't happen. I even bought a pair of jeans after being home from the hospital a week and a week later they were already fitting me tighter. How fair is that? Okay well, really it was fair. I started eating crappy again and it has taken me SO long to get out of the habit of eating two dinners. I just BARELY started eating a snack instead of eating a small meal after I put Tyler to bed.

I have always been bigger. If you knew me when I was younger you would probably think I was crazy saying that, but I was. Even when I was "skinny" the smallest size I could ever squeeze my big butt into was an 8 and even that was only for about a year. I weight about 140 all of high school and then it went up to about 150 or so in college. When I married Cody I think it was about 155 and after about a year of married life, i was about 165 or 170. That's when I got pregnant.

Now I am going to admit my weight on here which is NOT easy for me to do. I currently weight about 212 or so...I was about 233 when I had Kayla is I am lighter just not as much as I wanted to be. I am starting to "diet" which is such a stupid word. What does it even mean. Really I think what we should say is I am trying to eat better, which I am. You say the word diet and it's like our brain freaks out and starts telling your stomach you are hungry even when you are not. This week I have managed to lose a little weight. Let me tell you how I have managed this because really they were simple changes that you need to stick too when you first start trying to lose weight. One, I eat breakfast. I found a fiber one cereal that I actually like that has 13 grams of fiber in one bowl of cereal. For those who don't know much about fiber, the theory behind it is that it is supposed to keep you full for longer. Also, the average woman should have 25 grams of fiber every day and most only get about 11! So we need to watch what we are eating and try hard to get that extra fiber in our diets. This cereal is a great way to get started. It is the Fiber One Honey Cluster cereal. SO YUMMY! Next, if you are addicted to soda like I am switch to diet. BUT also you may want to try and find something else entirely. I bought a Britta water pitcher and have been filling it up a couple of times a day. Then I bought my reusable water bottle which is made from aluminum and I fill it with water and then add a flavor to it. I started buying Fiber One water mix and the flavor is cherry pomegranate which was a little strange the first couple of sips but by the end I was loving it. I drink this when I am thirsty and it is helping a lot. I also buy weight watchers meals from the store. They are about 3 dollars or so and most are very yummy. My favorites are the ziti, turkey and mashed potatoes, enchiladas and the white sauce pasta with chicken and broccoli. MMMMMMMMMMM If you don't like cereal, try eating oatmeal because it is really good for you.

So this is what I have been doing. Fiber one for breakfast, a small lunch and a soda, then fruit, yogurt or string cheese for a snack with fiber water, and a smart ones ( weight watchers meal ) for dinner. Then when I get hungry after Tyler goes to sleep, I make a bag of 100 calorie pop corn and drink more fiber water. I haven't been able to work out because I am still coughing and snotty from my cold last week but I am sure once I start doing that it will help tremendously.

I think the main thing is to not get overwhelmed, not to think about it being a diet, and to not starve yourself. My tummy is already visibly smaller and almost makes me want to look at myself naked again! haha Because after Kayla, I have NOT been liking taking my clothes off.

Sorry this still wasn't about the Oprah sex talk show. It has been long enough now that I am going to watch it again to remember what was said and what I wanted to say about it. Hopefully tonight I can do that. I wanted to do it now while Tyler was taking his nap but so far today, he hasn't fallen asleep and its been a little over an hour so I don't think it's in the cards for me for today. I promise it will come eventually though. hopefully this post wasn't too boring for ya and hopefully someone got some good ideas if anything.

Until next time......